Yesterday

Friday the 13th rears its ugly head. A sad reminder of the loneliness and emptiness of my heart.

Its your birthday today Daddy. And mum and I are alone once again. There is no cake on the dining table. The candles lie in the kitchen cupboard, without a use. Nobody to sing Happy Birthday to. The suns rays stream in through the window to welcome a new day but you are not here to welcome it with us. Your favorite track by the Beatles plays in my mind.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seem so far away

Now it looks as though they're here to stay

Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be

There's a shadow hanging over me

Oh, yesterday came suddenly

Why he had to go

I don't know, he wouldn't say

I said something wrong

Now I long for yesterday"

Yes I do long for yesterday. The regrets I have are many. Daddy you taught me to be strong but today I find myself falling. I sat at your grave today and thought about so many things. The pain in my heart only you would know. The heartache that mum feels only you will know. I see other people happy and I want them to be miserable like me. I want them to hurt like me. Life isn't fair, you used to say. And I see it first-hand. Everything is going downhill for me. I am tired of faking a smile. Sickened to my core by the events that play around me. I know you see me crying Daddy. All I want now is for you to come take me away so we can be together again. I can't live like this anymore. You smile back at me from your photograph on the wall and I can't stop these hot tears from running down my face. I stand alone here. Please take me with you. This life isn't worth anything anymore. Since you've been gone, I have given my all to everyone around me. Apart from mum, not one person has asked me what it is that I want and need. Mum and I have stayed up through most nights, comforting each other and wiping away our tears. It isn't the same without you Daddy. I want to smile again Daddy. I want to laugh again too. I want mum to be happy again. I want my family back Daddy. I want YOU back.

Today is special. I offer up a silent prayer. If there is a God, please hear me. You know my heart better than anyone. You know my mums heart better than anyone. Ease our pain. Help us live again.

I hold onto memories of you and our family. Mum and I miss you very much and we have never stopped loving you. She holds on to me because she sees you in me. I am your daughter and you are a part of me. Daddy, one day we will all be together again and those candles will light up once again.

I love you more then life itself Daddy.

Happy birthday Daddy - I will see you soon xox.