One

It hurts to be me right now.

The pain I feel is worse then anything you could ever imagine. My damn hands are shaking as I type this. All these years of being carefree and now I bite the bullet. The last few days have been very trying for me. So much so that I wish I had never woken up that morning. Reality has finally kicked in that I will never be the same again. The 21 questions that I'll have to answer in due time and all the changes that will come with it is just something I have to learn to deal with. Yeah I am a tough nut but I have never faced anything like this before. I don't even know where or how to start making sense of it all. I know I owe nothing to no-one but at the same time, I had to be put in the spotlight where all these people will judge me till the very end. I did nothing wrong to begin with. After all, I am only human. But this is not how I planned it to be. Everything is wrong. I want to be able to see ahead but I can't. Oh God my hands won't stop shaking! Can I please go back to where I was before?? I am very lost right now.

This is big. Much bigger then you and I will ever be. Somehow, I need to find the strength to push on and be all I can be for that One. I gotta be the person to walk with them, to talk to them, to hold them and love them till the very end. I am on the verge of tears as I think of the many sunrises I will have to face alone. But this is how it was meant to be and there is nothing I can say or do that will change the course of my life. I gotta make peace with it, somehow I have to. One thing is for sure, I will always love you more then life itself.