You make it real

As I heard your favourite song and gazed upon your face in the picture book, I felt a lone tear run down my cheek and fall on your name etched on my heart. I hold on to my pillow tight and cry my heart out. I'm hurting inside and I realise my pain is real. You are coursing through my veins as I ponder an uncertain path ahead. You were always the first voice I heard when waking up and the last as I fell asleep. You understand me like no other before you and I wonder if you even know how messed up I am inside. I can't go on living like this knowing you are hundreds of miles away from me and out of reach. I long to hear your voice again and to tell you that my heart still beats hopelessly for you and you alone. My internal soundtrack keeps crying out to not count the miles but the I Love Yous. As the sun sets to end my day, the sun rises to welcome yours. My last words to you were, "When you miss me, just look up at the sky and know that we share the same view". Your last words before you flew out were, "Take care of yourself Michelle. I'll try my hardest to keep in touch but I can't guarantee anything". Even then I said not to forget me and said my final goodbye before you boarded your flight home. I am a broken person. A mere shadow of my former self. I cannot seem to say or do anything without the thought of you occupying every second of my day. I feel as if I've lost the will to go on. I only wanted to hold on to you for a bit longer but we both know how difficult our circumstances are. 

"You make it real for me - James Morrison" - every word rings true as you always used to play it when we spoke. You give me a reason to live and to feel like a real woman.

I miss you so much every day and I love you with every beat of my heart. I only wish life wasn't so cruel to us both.

Unfortunate slight

The entire world conspires against me. Seems as if you and I were never meant to be. Then why did we meet under such circumstances, only to have our hearts ripped out from our chest?

I never wanted to feel this way. You were supposed to be a fleeting memory, fading away in time. 4 years later and we're still clinging to that first "hello". My heart still skips a beat when I see your face, you still ignite passion in me. 

I need to give you up, and with it the dreams of ever being with you. It breaks my heart to watch you walk away. How do I mend a broken heart when it refuses to stop bleeding?

You once told me, "It ain't over till the fat lady sings" and this I shall hold on to till the day I get to hold you in my arms and tell you I love you more then life itself. 

An unfortunate slight? You're uncharted territory and I find you intriguing beyond comprehension. Let's leave it at that.

"Like anyone would be

I am flattered by your fascination with me

Like any hot-blooded woman

I have simply wanted an object to crave" 

Ode to V-Day.

This Valentine's Day, my heart is miles away.....

..........but it is a special one nonetheless.

There was a time when I used to believe that there was nothing worth doing in life, when out of no where, you came into my life, someone who made me smile, and laugh like I had no sadness that surrounded me, and everything changed. I must be really fortunate to have met you.

I had never thought that I would ever be so happy, so full of life that your presence in it gives me a kick and drives me with so much energy that I feel on top of the world. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, a day for lovers to share their love with each other, together. I always had a fancy to spend this day of love, Valentine’s Day, with the person whom I love the most, doing all sorts of romantic stuff, like in the movies and fairytale love stories. Today, I have you, the jewel that sparkles in my life, and yet I am spending this day without you.

I don’t know whether it is destiny, luck or chance by which we met. Strange circumstances come in life, and see, due to these circumstances, we are not able to be together on this beautiful day of love. I have so much love to give you that I think no one can love anyone as much as I love you, but looking at you and the love you give me, I am in complete awe of such a beautiful and amazing human being. I am blessed and cursed all at once, having so much love to give but no-one to share it with in person. This love has some sort of magic in it, that makes me do all sorts of things, that maybe very crazy and filmy, but still I love to do it and it makes me smile. I can’t stop smiling when I think of you.

I must say I am very lucky that although I do not have you close to me this Valentine’s Day, I have my valentine with me, in my heart and soul. I may not able to touch you and kiss your lips, but love is right here, and I hope you feel my love with the words I’ve written. I may not be a great writer, but I hope you will understand every childish word I've written for you. I am still so lucky that even though I can't be with you, I will ALWAYS have you in my heart where you belong, for time and eternity.

This years love, will last forever.

Baby, I love you, Will you be my Valentine ?

I run to you

Another day dawns and I am right where you left me. Still a crumbling mess because I cannot seem to find my way out of here. You always knew what to say, and how it affected me. A single smile is all it took to take my heart away. The distance between us is so great and the chances of ever being with you is just as difficult as looking for a needle in a haystack yet I see you everyday and I say the same words over and over again - I love you.

You make me feel so alive and at the same time, I am dying inside knowing this union is short-lived. I don't want to dream about all the things that never were and neither do I want to feel the pain as it would do me no good, but where is this strength that I need so badly?

The greatest feeling in the world is to love and be loved and I found that with you. You render me speechless as I drown in your eyes. I enjoy this cruel and unusual punishment. I dread your calls and yet I am unimaginably excited to see your face! For a single priceless moment, I forget about the torment and the vice that clamps my heart and I'm madly in love with you! You make me laugh and cry at the same time every time! And yet I can't imagine myself doing this any different.

'Cause all of the stars have faded away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

I know what is to come ahead and I know nothing lasts forever but if I had the chance to turn back time and change things, I'd do this all over again because I am hopelessly in love with you and wouldn't want it any other way. You taught me the meaning of being content and I am okay with this, I really am.

I made a compilation of music that reminds me of you and it plays in the background as I write this for you. You are my heart and soul and so much more. This torment is beautiful and I am crazy. All I want now is for you to never forget me - smile your beautiful smile when you hear the songs that have my name written all over it.

"I'm going back to the corner where I first saw you, gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move" - my love for you is timeless and true, my heart is yours to have and hold. You are the sweetest sensation and I love you!